I always hear people say: parenting is hard. And y’all, these people tell the truth. Parenting is SO hard! After (virtually) meeting MegAnne Ford, I knew I had to interview her for the Ask the Expert series. I know you’ll love her practical parenting advice!
Here is a little bit about MegAnne:
MegAnne is a certified Positive Parenting Coach who takes a holistic approach to parenting using the tools and practices of Positive Discipline along with her 14 years experience working with the early childhood community. WOW!
She actually started working with children when she was only 8 and fell deeply into the work during her years as a preschool teacher. After leaving the classroom in 2016, she has devoted herself to building the positive programing, support and community that helps elevate her clients to taking impactful steps to building their kind family.
What is a parenting coach?
Parent coaching is like hiring a personal trainer for your parenting relationship. It’s not about judging or criticism it’s always about helping you foster a more positive relationship and parenting journey. I help parents facing resentment and burn out by teaching them that first off they are amazing caregivers doing their best! I am here to help show them how to uncover the root causes of their children’s misbehavior, and then learn strategies to connect and fill the unmet need.
How do you help parents?
I say I help parents drink hot coffee, stop yelling, and learn how to enjoy raising their strong willed children by removing fear-based punishments. I work with my community inside my signature group coaching program How to Build Your Kind Family and my parenting program vault of mini-courses. I love seeing families really start to show up and learn what to do instead of the constant nagging, yelling, and power struggling. It feels like magic.
Can you tell us about the C.L.E.A.R. method you developed?
After nearly 20 years in early childhood and 3 years coaching parents I really saw a need for everything to be simplified and practical. So after talking with over 50 parents over the summer and really listening to their confusion and struggles in parenting I wanted to help create a way to save time and overwhelm- which was The C.L.E.A.R. Method- it’s the specific steps you take in order to move through a difficult moment effectively. C- Connection, L- Limits, E- Empowerment, A- Accountability, R-Recovery- this process helps give a system to move through. The most common mistake I see parents make is that they move to consequences too quickly- without setting a limit and getting buy in- which will always end in frustration and resentment. The C.L.E.A.R. Method teaches you the system and processes to remove the struggle and overwhelm. Also like my future BFF Brene Brown says “Clear is kind.” <3
What are some of the biggest parenting struggles you see today?
Have you ever googled a health symptom and found yourself on WebMD and self diagnosing yourself with imminent death? That’s what I see in parenting too- when children start having a tantrum; parents google and read about some cheap trick to get them to stop. What happens with that is…
- Parents find a bandaid solution that will stop in the short term but leave everything messy long term.
- Parents find a technique that fuels parent overwhelm by trying to give you MORE things to do/buy/try.
- Parents interpret the message that they are bad parents because the bandaid solution doesn’t work and they feel inadequate and even more hopeless.
For some reason the biggest parenting struggle I see is that we believe we’re supposed to do it alone and that we just know what to do. Which often is not the case. We are wired for connection and are meant to have a parenting community to help up see the long term vision.
Parenting using The C.L.E.A.R. Method is about giving you a simple system, rooted in validation and emotional intelligence that sets you up for LONG TERM success. I always ask parents to envision the values they hope to see in their children in 25 years. The next step is to align your parenting choices to building those values. To have a child that is responsible, it takes having a parent that resists fixing things. To have a child who is resilient, it takes failing and standing back up from that. These are the small moments in childhood that create a different outcome in adulthood.
What are some routines parents should have have in place that can minimize behavior problems?
The biggest step into implementing The C.L.E.A.R. Method is putting your airmask on first. If we just give ourselves the gift of pause before reacting, to ask ourselves “What does this behavior need from me?” We will start to see that we are always doing the best we can- and when we know better, we do better. That’s true for adults and children!
What resources are available to help?
I would say a great place to start is by taking my free parenting style quiz here: bit.ly/KindQuiz and find out if you’re the “too kind” parent the “too firm” parent or the “kind and firm” parent! If you’re into podcasts you can check out my podcast “MegAnne is NOT a parent, but…” and learn more and more about each part of The C.L.E.A.R. Method- each week I break down one tactic that fits inside the framework!
Reader Questions for a Parenting Coach
I sure do love connecting with you on Instagram and hearing what questions you have for each expert. There were SO many good ones for MegAnne!
At what age should I start disciplining child?
I believe that you are always disciplining your child- even from before they are born. Discipline means “to teach”. With that lens- Your children are always watching, listening and learning from you. There is never a “too early” or “too late” it’s more about when would you like to start disciplining your children with positive and effective tools instead of disciplining using fear and punishments.
What are some effective consequences for children?
I am a strong advocate for natural consequences. For example, you want to wear sandals in the rain, your feet with get wet. You want to paint the table with peanut butter, you will be cleaning it up. You wait too long to go to the bathroom while playing and have an accident, you will clean it up. Allowing children to feel the natural consequences of their choices is the FASTEST way to get them online and become autonomous!
The difficult part for caretakers is resisting the urge to step in and fix and rescue for so many different reasons. You might feel social pressure to do it for your children. You might feel overwhelmed and it’s just easier to do solve the problem. Or you might simply not know that your children are capable of becoming part of the process.
But three questions I like to ask myself when faced with a learning moment are:
- Will this permanently damage them? Like running in the road or being publicly humiliated. If yes- step in. If not, move on to the next question.
- What is the missing skill or unmet need?
- When would you like to practice this skill or fill the need?
I talk about this a lot in my podcast! It’s definitely on of the top asked questions my clients come to me asking! But I help parents focus on playing the long game!
I am a mom of three little ones and they all need me at once. How can I meet all of their needs?
By meeting your needs first. I know this adage is so overused- but here I go again. You can not pour from an empty cup. Step one of being an effective and positive caregiver is by making sure you are taking care of yourself first. Which means asking for help, asking for space, and setting boundaries.
So with that being said, children need quality and not quantity of time. Start by positively connecting with each child individually little bits at a time. There’s no prescription to follow- but just look for small bites of time- 1 minute at a time to see and be with each child. Example “Hey Sarah, I just saw you help Henry our, wow I’m impressed by that. Thank you!” Or “Good morning John! I came to wake you up first so I could give you a snuggle before breakfast.” Aiming to fill your children’s attention bucket positively and connect to each just for a moment will go a long way!
Want more from MegAnne?
You can always find her through following her on Instagram. I love her daily inspiration, mindset shifts and of course, positive parenting tips! She also has a website with free resources and definitely check out her podcast!
Check out all of the Ask the Expert Posts!
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